yes, theres still this shadow. but what can i do? i tried avoiding it. but, i cant help it but to think about it again. once bitten twice shy.
and for nth, i got involved in things that i shouldnt be. shant gg to elaborate what happened today. felt hurt, felt lost, felt trapped, felt scared. trust me pls. i really dont want to be like this. i want to be happy. i really want to. i just couldnt control my emotions as well as others do. thats all. i really dont want to express it out in public but at that point of time, i was just so . . .
anw, alighted a few bus stops before my house, cos i decided to have a quiet walk back home. and came to this conclusion.
i shouldnt be bearing all these consequences. why must i be manipulated. why should i do sth which i dont want to. why must i suffer with your actions. maybe its cos of a reason, but i dont think i can take it further. i dont want to be like you. but i know i'll still appreciate part of everything that u did for me cos u just wanted the best out of me.and perhaps im too sensitive with words/actions. give me some time. but right now, i know i cant live up to ur expectations. its a lil too much.
and maybe all these will be better controlled if im more nonchalent and truthful about sth. cos right now, i think im just trying to hold back the time to avoid myself from knowing the truth. cos i know the truth would not be what i want. its a very bad decision but i just dont have the courage. but of cos, im not sure that even if all these have been attained, things would change for e better.
i feel like gg to ECP now.
